To be honest this has been coming for a while. I’ve been thinking about it for some time now. I won’t be blogging about parenting any more.
I’ve been questioning the ethics of telling people to follow their instincts while at the same time saying which methods of parenting are good and which are not so good. I also question why I care so much about the choices other parents make.
There’s a lot of pressure on parents to get it right. And a lot of it is fear based, not just the mainstream you won’t sleep through the night, he’ll be in your bed forever, vaccinate or he’ll die of polio camp, but attachment parents do it too. You’ll ruin his spine with that carrier, that’ll cause brain damage, csections cause autism, vaccinations cause autism, not giving probiotics causes autism… We all justify our methods by using fear tactics.
So many times I’ve seen so called gentle parents going to town on another parent for choosing another method of parenting. I mean absolutely tearing strips off another mother simply for making a choice that she felt was best for her family at the time.
I don’t want to be a part of that any longer.
I feel like I’ve been having the same conversation for 3 years, and so I decided to stop. I stopped talking about birth, babies, breastfeeding, if I saw a debate come up I ignored it. I took a break for my own mental health. And when the week was up, I didn’t want to go back.
So I left some groups, the debates, the posting of screenshots to sigh at, criticise or *facepalm* wasn’t worth the stress for me anymore. I enjoyed posting in the groups, but without them I was less stressed.
I’ve reclaimed my hobbies. It seems no one expects fathers to suddenly start talking exclusively about babies and child related matters, but to be a good mother you have to. Everything you say, think and do must first be for the benefit for your child.
If I did everything good parenting pages told me to do we’d be on a no wheat no dairy all vegetable diet, I’d never yell, we wouldn’t watch TV, there’d be no character toys, we’d wear handmade clothes, have wooden toys, I’d homeschool…
We eat meat, and wheat, I yell sometimes though I try not to, they watch TV, my boy is in love with Buzz Lightyear, we have lots of character toys, and clothes, including Dora the Explorer and some Disney Princesses, and a Barbie, I don’t make their clothes, most of our toys are plastic, no way in hell will I homeschool.
Once I stopped looking to other sources for answers to my parenting problems and forced myself to just deal with it, follow my true instinct, it all got easier. We do have the answers, we just can’t hear them with all these outside influences. If you are bombarded by all these opinions and ideas from outside sources you’ll never be able to hear your own voice, if you’re so busy trying to please others you’ll never find a way to please yourself.
It’s been an interesting journey to this point. I have really loved blogging, and I will start another blog soon about what we’re up to, but you won’t hear any more parenting advice from me.
Best of luck with your parenting journey. You’ll be amazed at how much easier the whole thing is if you stop striving to be perfect. I bet half those page owners of those perfect parenting pages aren’t getting it right either.