It’s been a great week, reflecting on birth. We’ve talked about where to birth, how to plan, and who to have with you. I’ve debunked some birth myths, told my daughters birth story and I shared with you the tragic loss of a baby born sleeping.
This week has also been a time of personnel reflection and has given me a deeper understanding of the impact of my children’s births on me.
I’ve come to accept that I will probably never have a natural birth as I am beginning to feel that 2 children may just be the perfect number for me. My son is 6 months old today. When my daughter was 6 mobths old I had a burning desire to get on with it and have another baby. I looked at pictures of her as a newborn and desperately wanted those newborns milky snuggles again. Now that my son is getting bigger and more mobile, I look at both their newborn photos and would love to go back for just a moment, but only a moment. Truth be told I like life the way it is, I like life with just us 4. My family is perfect for me.
If I could have the birth and not the baby, I would. I don’t think I’ll miss the third baby, but I do feel ripped off that I never got to enjoy my third trimester with my son or that the birth I planned, the freebirth in water at home, never came to pass.
It’s even more motivation to keep advocating for homebirth and natural birth. It’s even more reason for me to say, I planned a homebirth, it didn’t work out because of complications. Women aren’t stupid when it comes to pregnancy and our bodies will give us signs when it’s time to get further help. Mine did, yours would too.
I also came to have a deeper understanding of what it means to have had birth trauma and the impact that has when one birth is good and one is not. Let me explain. On my daughters birthday I would glance at the time and reflect on what I was doing right at that very moment 2 years ago. I was contracting, I was walking, I was stomping my feet, I wad pushing, and finally she was born and onto my chest. I relived the excited anticipation and the joy of her birth. Today, 6 months after my sons birth, I’m looking at the clock, I remember being prepped for surgery, I remember feeling anxious and scared, I remember having a line put in my neck… And then nothing until briefly meeting him at his bed side.
It’s a strange feeling, remembering one childs birth with such joy and the others with sadness. My son and his birth are separate in my mind, I celebrate my son but still feel hurt about the way he got here.
Finally it’s been a week of discovering the beauty in birth, and how empowering birth can be. Birth can be an amazing rite of passage. Birth is a journey, birth is the end of a pregnancy and the beginning of motherhood.
Here are 4 Great Birth videos
If you’re in South Australia on the 7th of August, be sure to check out the VCI – Birth community expo
Find Instinctive Parenting on facebook.