Often I’ll read something and it will point out the downsides of decisions I’ve made as a parent.
This use to really upset me.
Just yesterday I was ready about co-sleeping, SIDS and breastfeeding. Now one of the benefits of breastfeeding is a lower rate of SIDS. This isn’t a benefit. Breastfeeding is the biological norm, so the lower rate of SIDS should in fact be the baseline and formula feeding would increase the risk. So by formula feeding my first baby I increased the risk of SIDS.
Now if someone had told me this when she was a baby I would have heard it as a personal attack. I was doing the best I could, I couldn’t change the fact that she was formula fed once I started, how dare someone insinuate I was risking my baby’s life.
It was when she was around 8 months old and we were thinking about a second baby it dawned on me. Statistics are not about making mothers feel bad. Not in the slightest. They’re a warning to those who are making decisions about feeding methods.
Perhaps if on the can of formula it had said that by giving my infant a bottle I was risking – SIDS, obesity, diabetes, allergies, childhood cancers etc. Perhaps if it had said that babies who were formula fed were hospitalized more then the breast fed counterparts. If I had of been told the real risks I would have fought harder to breastfeed. I really truly believed that formula was just as good.
Now we got lucky and my daughter was never sick as a baby and so far so good. But studying naturopathy and beginning with nutrition, I’ve once again had to accept that the decisions I made when she was a baby could have long lasting impacts and I have to accept that and own those choices. I don’t feel guilt, or anger, or sadness anymore, but I do accept my choices.
I read this article yesterday. My son was born at 35 weeks. It was life or death. If I haemoraged for an 8th time we may not have survived. But I still worry for his future. I don’t feel guilty about making the choice to deliver, however I accept the risks and going forward I watch for signs that he is struggling and will find him help if he needs it. So far so good.
It’s important to talk about risks vs benefits when we are making decisions, not to make anyone feel bad but to make sure their decisions are informed.
Because knowledge is power, and if we all have as much information about a choice as we can possibly get then ultimately the decision we make will be the absolute best for ourselves, our children and our situation. Sometimes that means doing what we need to do instead of what we want to do like waiting instead of inducing or cutting out caffeine instead of switching to formula.
But with all the information your decision will be one that is informed.
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Comments on: "Accepting that I took a risk" (12)
Owning our decisions and taking responsibility are things we can do not only to support our own development but to model them for our children. You are courageous, mama, and beautiful. <3
Fantastic perspective, thanks.
Absolutely! And our own experiences colour our concept of risk. If you’ve ever had things stolen out of your car, you won’t leave your kids in the car while you pay for petrol. But if you’ve ever been hit by a car, you wouldn’t dream of getting them out and running the gauntlet to the cashier with your kids in tow.
Great insight…….love this sharing on my Facebook ;o)
Sharing this. Choices aren’t really choices when you don’t have all the information on all the options.
i have 5 children, i formula fed all of them, with a few of them i breast fed for up to 2-3 months, but they were mainly formula fed, i also co sleep, with all of them (not at the same time) all 5 of my kids are healthy and happy. The only medical issue i have ever had with one of my children is she had a febrile seizure after her 2 month vaccination now i selectively vaccinate. As far as i am concerned everyone takes risks every day, it is a risk to even walk out your front door sometimes (depending on where you live) every parent does the best they can for their children,and that is all we can do.. thank you for writing this
I think you were totally right weaning at 8 months. And I don’t think you’ve “risked” your child’s health in any way whatsoever. I think anyone who is made to feel guilty about any house they make with regards to their child, that’s wrong – if all info has been given. The SIDS campaign has gone too far. In telling everyone that their child could die if it’s laid on its stomach is a total lie! Some babies need to – and are strong enough physically to do so! I’ve researched this and the actual cause of “SIDS” is the bub breathing in toxins and mould particles from a dirty mattress. Every bub needs their own fresh new mattress, as the more it’s used the higher the rate of “SIDS”. Also SIDS has been WAY overused as a form of infantile death, to the point of the authorities not doing autopsies and lumping it all in the one SIDS basket. Some of these kids – especially the older ones – are actually dying of other illnesses and it’s not being picked up. By doing this they’re risking the health of siblings in not testing for these other forms of death.
Crazy, messed up world!!
(Also, speaking god making informed choices: every parent needs to see the statistics on how not smacking/disciplining their kids (in a LOVING, RESPECTFUL MANNER!) is in fact putting their kids at risk of being a future loser in society).
Sorry, that last bit was “speaking *OF* making choices…”
I don’t smack, I believe it’s abuse, my children aren’t and will not be losers. I also didn’t wean my son at 8 months, he’s 14 months and still breastfed.
“Also, speaking god making informed choices: every parent needs to see the statistics on how not smacking/disciplining their kids (in a LOVING, RESPECTFUL MANNER!) is in fact putting their kids at risk of being a future loser in society”
Please don’t put smacking and discipline into the same sentence like that again. It is perfectly possible to discipline without smacking. I don’t smack my husband and he certainly doesn’t smack me. I don’t smack my dog. I don’t smack my children. I discipline my children and my dog and I negotiate with my husband and my children.
To not smack does not = to not discipline.
I stopped smacking the day I told my oldest child not to hit another child and he said, “but you hit me, mummy, when I’m naughty, so I was just doing the same thing”. The lesson that hitting is something you do to someone who isn’t behaving how you want them to isn’t teaching them to not be a loser. It’s teaching them to to be an abuser.
On another note, babies ARE at a higher risk of SIDS if they are laid on their tummies. This is very clearly shown in the science. It is true that many deaths are marked as SIDS when they shouldn’t be, and that each baby should have a new mattress but babies who are unable to turn over are safer on their backs.
It doesn’t mean that they’re going to die of SIDS if they’re laid on their tummy. It means that they are at a significantly higher risk of SIDS laid on their tummy. There is a difference. The risk is still low.
Well said Sundown. ‘Increased risk’ doesn’t mean ‘every baby will die’. ‘Reduced risk’ doesn’t mean ‘every baby will be safe’. There are often many risk factors and we can’t always avoid them all, but the more information we have the better the choices we make can be.