Bedsharing – not a certain death sentance

I remember when my daughter, my first, was a baby.  Before she was born I planned out a beautiful nursery for her and I remember fondly the day we set up the bassinet at the foot of our bed.

She was born, happiest day of my life, and for that first sleepy week was content to sleep wherever she was and I naively thought that was it.

And then she woke up, reflux took hold and for four months she slept on my chest.  Then she moved to a cot in our room for a while and then into the nursery.

She’ll be 3 in just over a week, I’m busy planning a party while parenting solo.  The other morning she woke up early and climbed into bed with me.  She fell asleep and I woke up to her drooling on my shoulder.  It was very sweet.

Despite having coslept as a baby she transitioned to her own sleep space without issue.  She sleeps all night every night unless she is unwell, even then she can be comforted in her own bed.

Clearly if you cosleep your baby will be in your bed forever.

I coslept with my son from the moment NICU gave my son to me to parent overnight.

That’s right, I coslept with my preterm son.  How negligent of me.

Funny though when he was sleeping alone he wasn’t gaining weight or able to keep his body temp up but one night of constant boob and skin to skin and his weight started going up and his temp stabilized.

He stayed in our bed until he was 8 months, then he went into a cot.  He’s 18 months and comes into bed for boob and cuddles sometime between 1-4am each morning.  But that’s cool with me, we cuddle, we snooze, he’s happy!

The truth is that safe cosleeping is safe.

That is on a firm mattress with no fluffy pillows, no thick doonas, no smoking, no alcohol, no illegal drugs, no perscription medication, no gaps that baby can roll or fall into, no couch/bean bag/futon.

Basically what is safe for cot sleeping is safe for cosleeping, pretty simple.

Now cosleeping mothers are more in tune with their babies if they breastfeed.  It really doesn’t work the same if you bottle feed.  Bottle fed babies shouldn’t be in the adult bed, they should however be in the same room.

Cosleeping is normal for humans.

What do you think we did before cots? How do you think the species survived?

Cosleeping reduces the risk of SIDS.

Families in Japan cosleep, smoke less and breastfeed more and their infant mortality rates are very low.

Safe cosleeping is really simple.

Cosleeping is supported by the ABA.

It is tragic that four babies have died.  But I feel like the coroner is not giving us the full story.  Where was the cosleeping taking place?  What was the feeding method?  What was the mother on, drink/drugs etc. 

Because safe cosleeping is safe and unsafe sleep anywhere is unsafe.  Let’s not forget that while half of SIDS deaths happen while cosleeping the other half happen while the baby is sleeping alone and no one is suggesting banning cot sleeping.

Let’s get real.  Stop the fear campaign and promote safe cosleeping and educate families to make safe choices.

PS – now that the babies are toddlers I cosleep with the dog, which I quite like, he sleeps at the foot of the bed and warms my feet.

Safe sleep for babies

Facebook is a wonderful way of connecting with people. And a great tool to find out what is going on in the world around us.

My friends list has many like-minded parents and women I admire on it. So when I saw yesterday that Pinky McKay would be appearing on the Project I had to check it out.

She was wonderful. She talked about safe co-sleeping and said exactly what all women need to hear, that ultimately they are the expert when it comes to their baby and parenting decisions are theirs to make.

Pinky, you rock!

The rest of the segment was cringe worthy. Filled with scare mongering and statistics manipulated to prove their point.

Did you know almost half of SIDS deaths happen while co-sleeping?

Doesn’t that mean over half the deaths happen while NOT co-sleeping?

QUICK BAN THE COT!

No mention of course of whether drugs, alcohol, smoking, formula feeding, sleep apnea, or prescription medications were used. All bed sharing risk factors. No mention either of the kind of bedding used or how the bed was set up. Just that the baby was in bed with it’s parent.

Let’s face it, putting your baby to bed anywhere has risks. It needs to be a clear surface free of heavy blankets, pillows, bumpers, gaps between the mattress and rails. This goes for the cot and the family bed.

With 80% of parents taking their baby to bed between birth to 6 months it is time to stop telling parents that everything they do is wrong and they’re going to kill their baby and start telling them how to parent safely.

Don’t drink around your baby. Don’t smoke around your baby. Avoid medications that make you drowsy if possible and if you can’t put them in their own sleeping space. If possible, breastfeed – breastfed babies are more alert and wakeful which means their risk of SIDS is lower then formula-fed babies. Don’t use thick doonas, there are plenty of warm options that aren’t thick and heavy.

I co-slept although both times it was for a short time but we did so safely and my babies were never at risk.

For more information on the co-sleeping concerns, Dr Sears has written this on his website.

Solving the sleep puzzle

Normally I only blog once a day, but call this one a bonus round

Sleep in little ones can seem to be a mystery. And once you have a baby it is an obsession, ours and seemingly everyone else’s. From the minute your baby is born everyone wants to know 3 things, birth stats (how big, boy or girl?), how are they feeding and how are they sleeping? If they sleep well they’re a good baby, if they don’t you get the looks of pity and are asked how do you cope.

So without resorting to cry it out, how do we get these babies to sleep?

- breastfeeding, breastmilk is designed with hormones to put your baby to sleep. It’s biologically normal and trust me there are no 16 year olds wanting mums boob to go to sleep.
- rock, pat, shhh – this is what I do when DS doesn’t want the boob, in fact there’s a special way he likes to be jiggled in the crook of my arm.
- hold them until they’re sleepy and then put them into bed.
- hold them until they’re in a deep sleep (20 or so minutes after they drift off) and then put them down.
- rocking in a swing, hammock, pram.
- massage or calming bath
- sing a lullaby
- drive in the car

At night I just pop in bed next to me and we fall asleep together.

My biggest tip is watch the baby not the clock. Tired signs like rubbing the eyes, yawning, jerky movements, red around the eyes, grizzling, not maintaining eye contact. If I see DS with these signs I finish up what we’re doing to prepare for bed time. With my toddler if she becomes what I consider to be comically uncoordinated (falls over her feet) and cranky when normally she is quite reasonable, I prepare her for bed. Which means finding her favorite toys and saying good night.

Settling can sometimes take a while and some days I feel as though all I do is put him to bed and breastfeed. But babyhood goes so quick and it won’t be long before he doesn’t want or need my cuddles. Just turn off the bedroom clock. There’s no need to know exactly how many hours of sleep are happening, I mean what did we do pre-wall clock?

Some great advice can be found in both 100 Ways to Calm the Crying and Sleeping Like A Baby both by Pinky McKay.