Stop taking it personally!

Right.  It seems you can’t talk about the benefits of one choice without being accused of bashing the alternative.

You can’t be pro-breastfeeding without being accused of making formula feeding mums feel bad.

You can’t be pro-natural birth without being accused of being anti-elective csection.

Being pro-cloth nappies apparently means you think mums who use disposables are the devil.

Give me a break!

Just because I breastfeed, babywear and use cloth nappies doesn’t mean I think you’re evil if you don’t.  I don’t think formula is devil’s urine.  I don’t think using a pram will break your baby.

I think some choices are poor choices, circumcision is a huge deal to me.  Though I do have friends who have had this done to their boys, in all honesty we just don’t talk about it.  They know where I stand on the issue.  I’ll do what I can to bring awareness to the anti circumcision cause but if it’s already done they can’t take it back.

I respect all birth choices, I appreciate that while Homebirth might be the right choice for one mother it may not be for another.  Elective csection might be the right choice.  I do believe in letting labour start on it’s own before sectioning, however I respect a woman’s right to chose.

I know there are many reasons why women formula feed.  My daughter was fed formula from very early on. That doesn’t mean I buy the crap about formula being just as good.  No, breastmilk IS best for babies.  That’s not a put down to bottle feeding mothers, nor is it said with malice.  Science proves that human milk is beat for human babies.  Cows milk is not.

There is no us and them.  There are no perfect mothers.  Stating scientific fact is not a judgement on other mothers, it’s just the outcomes of studies and research.

Saying “breast is best” is not saying “bottle is bullshit.”

Bottle feeders are mothers too

Here is a baby, she’s only 6 weeks old and she’s being fed formula by her father.

Here is another baby about the same age, being breastfed.

Who’s the better mother?

Well there’s no contest, they’re brother and sister.

And they’re my children.

With my first I didn’t know the truth about breastfeeding.  A doctor told me formula was best for reflux babies and I believed him.  When I was pregnant with my second I educated myself about breastfeeding.

And when I knew better, I did better.

But I wasn’t a bad mum with my first, I was a great mum.  Every bottle was given holding her close (except one or two in the car to stop her screaming in Sydney traffic) every decision made with love.

I’m grateful to those who educated me about breastfeeding without slamming me for formula feeding.  There were many who were unnecessarily cruel.

Bottle feeding mums love their babies too.

But an anti-breastfeeding culture is killing breastfeeding relationships.

There needs to be balance.

What is Attachment Parenting really all about?

If you saw me on the street you probably wouldn’t think I was any different to the mainstream mothers. If you walked into our house you probably wouldn’t associate it with the sterotypical hippy parents with unwashed children, untidy home and out of control animals. In fact, we don’t even have pets! The only hint of hippy-ness are the pots growing vegetables, fruits and herbs in the front yard. I’m keeping them out of reach of the toddler.

Yet we’re practicing attachment parenting. Breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, baby led weaning. The whole kit and kaboodle.

It just doesn’t look how you imagine it would.

We have a bouncer, a big pram, play mats, buckets filled with toys, dress ups, a sand pit. Both children have their own rooms that is their own private space, although the babies room is more of a glorified change room with a feeding chair. My kids are just normal children.

Our whole world hasn’t been taken over by all things kid either, my husband has his movie collection and collectables proudly on display. I still collect books. I still listen to Metallica, in fact last year I saw Metallica live, without my then 15 month old who I left in the capable hands of her father.

My children get looked after for 2 hours a fortnight at MoPS, mothers of pre-schoolers. I am in the building and the carers come and get me if they need me, but I drink coffee, eat morning tea, chat with other mothers and sometimes do crafts. Yes for 2 hours I put me first. This weekend I’m going out for a few hours to… Go shopping with a friend… Without my children! During the day, 10 minutes away, I’ll feed boy when I leave and when I get home.

I’ve never understood the myth that attached parent means fixed to your children with super glue. My children have a healthy attachment to both parents and can easily spend time with either one of us. Though it takes more planning for the breastfed infant, don’t all mothers deserve a little time where they put themselves first? Especially when often their own basic needs of sleep, or food (and don’t tell me you havent skipped a meal because a child has been asleep on you) often comes last after everyone else’s needs.

The beauty of attachment parenting is that it is baby led but no one is the boss or in control. I like to think of it as the family working together for a common goal. The common goal is that everyone is health and happy. The baby has the least control over his own abilities and has no concept of waiting for his needs to be met. Therefore when he needs something he needs it right away, so feeding, changing, help to go to sleep, or even a cuddle, all needs and met promptly.

The 2 year old has some ability to meet her own needs, to clearly communicate her needs to a certain extent and can wait for a short period of time, maybe a few minutes. So when she cries we attend to her straight away, we provide her with a range of activities to amuse herself, and when she asks for something like “water,” “book,” “up” and I am say breastfeeding, or on the phone, or whatever, I can get her to wait a few minutes. Unless it is something urgent like a dirty nappy or she’s hurt herself.

My husband and I are adults. We regulate our own emotions, can entertain ourselves and can wait to have our needs met. We accept responsibilty of housework and childcare and accept that this comes before our own enjoyment while also making time as a couple and individual time a priority.

Attachment parenting is not a set of rules that need to be strictly adhered to. It’s about meeting your babies needs in a way that is respectful and baby led. Usually this means breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing etc. But many parents identify themselves as attachment parents and bottlefeed or use a pram at least some of the time.

Some concepts do not mesh with the attachment parenting model like controlled crying or scheduled feeding instead of demand or cue feeding, and that’s simply common sense. Neither practice is baby led.

Finally I leave you with one name to ponder. Miranda Kerr. Model, partner to a huge movie star, living in Hollywood, frequently in magazines and on TV. Attachment parent.

Formula – just as good?

At a forum I frequent I came across a thread with a link to a website hoping to give support to women who formula feed their infants either for medical reasons or by choice.

Now while I think their message of support is fantastic and that all women regardless of their parenting choices deserve support I couldn’t get past the rest of their message. They were saying that formula was just as good and that formula advertising should be legal. I do not agree.

And when it comes to whether or not formula is just as good, experts don’t agree that is either. The World Health Organisation (WHO) recommend exclusively feeding breastmilk for the first 6 months and the introducing solids, then continuing to breastfeed until at least 2 years.

Just 1 bottle of artificial baby milk (ABM) can damage the delicate gut flora of an infant which can take weeks to repair.

Formula is often recalled due to contamination, remember the infant deaths in China due to bad ABM? It’s rare but it happens.

Truth is breastfeeding isn’t anything special, it’s just normal. Breastfeeding doesn’t lower the risk of contracting certain illnesses nor does it boost a babies immune system but that ABM increases a babies risk of contracting certain illnesses and decreases a babies immune system.

Here is a great place to start researching if you’re interested in formula.

On the topic of advertising, well with breast-feeding rates so low in Australia does formula really need to be any more normalized? Bottles are shown in every mainstream television show involving a baby. I was FLOORED when 2 years ago they suggested on Neighbours that a young teen mother (Bridget?) was breastfeeding her babe. It was never shown on screen of course and it wasn’t long before the babe had colic issues due to foods the mother was eating, then the mother dies in a car accident and the ABM cans start sneaking in on the bench top just in view of the camera.

Then you’ve got children’s programming like Hilltop Hospital on ABC4Kids where animals bottle feed their young. I’ve seen elephants, rabbits and cows giving their babies bottles. What is up with that? Show them breastfeeding or just don’t show it! That show has a whole heap of birthing issues as well but I’ll leave that for another post.

Then there are bottles on wrapping paper, baby shower invites, extra bottles with breast pumps, bottles everywhere! Don’t forget the ‘infant milk’ advertising which is just formula advertising in disguise! The ad where they start saying breastmilk is best for babies and the baby glows blue makes my blood boil! Just come out with your agenda and don’t hid it behind pretending to care about breastfeeding.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t think poorly of formula feeding mothers, my daughter was formula fed and it was only in hindsight that I realized the advice was dodgy. I was a sleep deprived mother with a baby with reflux. The GP didn’t care, neither did the MCHN and the pharmacist only wanted our money. I wasn’t given any advice on how to continue breastfeeding just told how to make up a bottle. The guilt was crushing. I probably come across as harsh but the truth is that formula is seen as the magic cure all by the medical field when it isn’t. My daughters feeding issues just got worse and worse on formula and I ended up with PND. I honestly believe if I had of seen a lactation consultant rather then a GP we would have continued breastfeeding long term.

Breastfeeding is normal for babies. We are the only species that feeds their young the milk of another animal. If unable to breastfeed there is the option of sourcing breastmilk, try the Human Milk 4 Human Babies Facebook page for your area.

If your struggling with breastfeeding please give the Australian Breastfeeding Association a call on 1800 mum 2 mum.