The Martyrs and the Mothers
Lots of mothers are really competitive about their parenting and some seem to always have it worse then everyone else.
Lots of women are martyrs.
They think it only fitting as mothers to give their absolute all to motherhood even to the sacrifice of their former self.
I know women who brag about having never used a babysitter because it is their duty to be with their children 24/7 and anything less is unacceptable. Or who no longer listen to their once favourite music because it’s inappropriate for children and therefore banned from her home.
I bet you’re picturing someone you know right this very second.
She spends so much time trying to look like the perfect parent she totally forgets who she use to be and loses all of her former interests and hobbies. And she judges anyone who doesn’t do the same.
Oh she has hobbies though, but they’re all child friendly. And she has just the right amount of one on one time with her partner to balance out the family time, usually she spends that time discussing the children.
I know someone like that, we use to go to heavy metal gigs together, she was wild, she was fun! She has children now and apparently mothers don’t listen to heavy metal, or go to gigs, or music festivals and only have appropriate hobbies like knitting, sewing and baking.
Holy smokes! I think I just woke up in the 1950s!
I like knitting and baking as much as the next crafty type. I am having a not so secret affair with my Thermomix and last night I was busy knitting a new dress for my daughter. And truth be told my children are rarely babysat.
But when one of my favourite bands comes to Australia for the first time in 7 years accompanied by the band my husband has been waiting to see since he was 13 you betcha we’re going!
And you know what it was refreshing, to go out and just have an awesome time. To spend some time with both my husband who I rarely see alone and my sister who I rarely see at all. To do something I enjoy. To go a whole day without breastfeeding, bum changing or tantrum taming. It was refreshing and recharging.
It was just what I needed and I do not feel guilty about it at all not even for a second. Even the most attached parents need a day off.
On the other end of the scale there are those parents who will always complain no matter what. Everything is just so damn hard.
Nothing comes from constant complaint. It just makes life seem even more difficult. I’ve learnt the hard way. When things seem that they will never get better that’s the time you stop whining about your problems and start asking for solutions or help.
I don’t want my children to grow up to think that everything in life is to be suffered through and that we have to sacrifice our who selves in order to be a good parent. Yes being a parent requires hard work and some sacrifice. But not an absolute sacrifice of self.
Don’t forget who you are. And although I’m mum to my kids that doesn’t mean I lose Amanda along the way.
