Did you know that all attachment parents have perfect children?
They have no sleep issues, all breastfeed with no problem, their toddlers are perfect angels with no behavioral problems, they’re all perfect angels and their parents never ever want to run away and join the circus.
Parents struggle the same no matter what style of parenting they subscribe too. Some of the most alternative attachment parents I know are also parents to the children with the most difficult sleep issues, ditto for so-called mainstreamers. I know mothers of children who have done baby led weaning from the first time solids hit their babies lips, they’ve never intentionally spoonfed their child who at 4 years of age wants their mum to spoonfeed them.
I know the most loving gentle mothers with children who have really difficult behaviours, ditto to mainstreamers.
I know attachment parents who bottlefeed, use expensive fancy prams, have elective csections just because they want to, use disposable nappies or think homeopathics are just snake oil.
On the flip side there are mainstream parents who breastfeed, use cloth nappies; I could go on and on.
Point is when someone says they’re an attachment parent please don’t assume they are having an easy ride of it. Please don’t go to their home expecting to be fed biodynamic organic raw vegan snacks. Please don’t expect them to wear Birkenstocks or shop at Tree of Life. When they say they’re looking for a career don’t assume it’s as a doula or reiki therapist.
Just because she doesn’t want to spank doesn’t mean you should automatically assume she went to an Occupy protest.
Truth is many of us attachment parents come to be on this path after weighing up all our options and choosing this one as best for us. I’ve heard it many times, I bought SOS or Babywise or someone bought me the book and I read it while pregnant and had every intention of following it… Until my baby was born and it just wasn’t for us so I did some more reading and I found attachment patenting.
Attachment parenting is kind of a spectrum, some are über crunchy, some of us are kind of crunchy, most of us fall somewhere in the middle. The great thing is we’re all on our own journey and not being ‘as crunchy’ as the next mama doesn’t mean we’ve failed or are coming up short, it just means we’ve tailored the attachment parenting style to meet the needs of our family.
So the next time you write someone’s opinion off regarding sleeping issues or feeding issues because they’re an attachment parent so their child must be perfect I urge you to remember this. Our children are not perfect and mothering them is not always easy, most attachment parents have done lots of reading about parenting because they want to be sure they’re doing the best for their children, sleeping and settling, feeding and disciplining any child can be a lot of work. So when I give my opinion on a sleep routine or feeding method do not assume I’m against it because my kids are so easy they’ve never needed it, I’ve just not chosen to go down that road because it’s not what I believe to be best for my children and I believe there is a better way for them.