Safe sleep for babies

Facebook is a wonderful way of connecting with people. And a great tool to find out what is going on in the world around us.

My friends list has many like-minded parents and women I admire on it. So when I saw yesterday that Pinky McKay would be appearing on the Project I had to check it out.

She was wonderful. She talked about safe co-sleeping and said exactly what all women need to hear, that ultimately they are the expert when it comes to their baby and parenting decisions are theirs to make.

Pinky, you rock!

The rest of the segment was cringe worthy. Filled with scare mongering and statistics manipulated to prove their point.

Did you know almost half of SIDS deaths happen while co-sleeping?

Doesn’t that mean over half the deaths happen while NOT co-sleeping?

QUICK BAN THE COT!

No mention of course of whether drugs, alcohol, smoking, formula feeding, sleep apnea, or prescription medications were used. All bed sharing risk factors. No mention either of the kind of bedding used or how the bed was set up. Just that the baby was in bed with it’s parent.

Let’s face it, putting your baby to bed anywhere has risks. It needs to be a clear surface free of heavy blankets, pillows, bumpers, gaps between the mattress and rails. This goes for the cot and the family bed.

With 80% of parents taking their baby to bed between birth to 6 months it is time to stop telling parents that everything they do is wrong and they’re going to kill their baby and start telling them how to parent safely.

Don’t drink around your baby. Don’t smoke around your baby. Avoid medications that make you drowsy if possible and if you can’t put them in their own sleeping space. If possible, breastfeed – breastfed babies are more alert and wakeful which means their risk of SIDS is lower then formula-fed babies. Don’t use thick doonas, there are plenty of warm options that aren’t thick and heavy.

I co-slept although both times it was for a short time but we did so safely and my babies were never at risk.

For more information on the co-sleeping concerns, Dr Sears has written this on his website.

Childless Experts Say the Strangest Things

Oh Gina Ford, do you even think before you write?

For those of you who have been living on a cave on Mars with your fingers in your ears apparently new mums should have sex with their partners 4-6 weeks after birth even if they have to grin and bear it.

No foolin’.

“It’s up to parents, but after four to six weeks I encouraged every family to go out for a lovey-dovey afternoon or evening when they got glammed up and were not allowed to talk about the baby.”

Gina Ford is divorced with no children. So hazard a guess but she has never given birth before. So she’s never had post birth sex before or even cared for a newborn 24/7 either.

The first time my husband and I were intimate after my first birth was uncomfortable. I think it was around 8 weeks after and was infrequent, we had a baby with silent reflux who slept on my chest day and night until she was 4 months old.

Ford’s argument is that men might feel rejected by the lack of intimacy so women should give them sex even if it hurts.

What a crock!

Firstly, it your partner feels rejected because you are caring for your child you have bigger problems then your sex life. Men don’t get jealous of babies. A loving caring partner would see that you’re a tired, busy mother who is recovering from birth and adjusting to life as a new mum. And would respect that you’re not ready, realize that this is only temporary and know that when you are ready you will come together again. It really is that simple.

Secondly, no woman should ever feel pressured to have sex for any reason. Period. Just like bodily autonomy is of the utmost importance during birth it continues afterwards. Your body, your choices.

Thirdly, it takes a while to recover. I felt ready sooner after my csection then my vaginal birth but that was still over a month afterwards.

Finally, it is an individual decision that varies from couple to couple and no child expert can tell you when is the right time to resume having sex.

Yesterday I was watching the Circle, I don’t usually watch it but it was on and looked interesting. The only host saying she agreed with the expert had her twins via csection. No offense, but if you’ve never had a vaginal birth then you can’t really understand how different the recovery process is. It takes a while for it to feel normal again and you don’t want to rush the healing process.

A male host said it was like having your hand crushed in an accident and then being told to go around giving your mates a good firm handshake because they might think that you don’t like them anymore.

Now I don’t liken birth to an industrial accident, but I do like the analogy. If your partner can’t deal with the fact that they might have to wait a little while before resuming sex then they are being ridiculous.

Babies are full time jobs! Our biggest hurdle to our sex life in the early days was finding the time. Even our ‘easy’ baby would go to bed around 8/9pm then we’d fold washing or do dishes and go to bed at like 10 and the baby would wake for a feed at like 11/12. Not a big window for sleep. And if we had to wake up early the next day we’d choose sleep.

I don’t understand why anyone would recommend women have sex against their better judgement. Gina Ford calls herself a child expert despite having no children and calls her book the Contended Mother’s Guide.

Did she spell Father’s wrong?

Or is she writing for the 1950s housewife?

Here’s the article.