Reflections on solo parenting

It’s been a long couple of weeks.

I’ve been solo parenting with my husband has been away with the Army and this afternoon/evening he comes home.  It feels surreal, he’s come home.  I feel like I have been doing this alone all along.  It will be great to have him home though.  My almost 3 year old has reached her limit coping with his absence.  She isn’t dealing with saying goodbye.  We had my sister visit for her birthday party and dropping her at the airport resulted in an awful melt down.  Full on screaming.

And can I say that this last wonder week has made my 18 month old particularly unpleasant to be around at times?  I know that’s really not what you’re supposed to say but holy heck, the tantrums they seem to be never ending.  This too shall pass.  This too shall pass.

But this afternoon he comes back and I’ll have a partner in parenting again.  Woohoo!!!

I have a feeling that today will go really really incredibly slow.  Really.

I’ve had some huge revelations about my life and my future during this period of reflection.  I’ve had a lot of time alone and a lot of time to really think.

My dreams for the future will come true if I let them.  If I hold on to them they will happen.  My future success is only limited by the limits I put on it.  It will happen.

Truly it will.  And I will only be successful by helping others do the same.  Pretty cool.

I’m pretty good at this parenting thing, even if I don’t always get it right and feeling like I’m a bad mum means that I care enough to worry about that kind of thing.  I just need to remind myself that I am strong and I am good at this.  I have two wonderful children who love me, I must be on to a winner.

Other people are going to judge me and my actions and it is not about me, it is all about them.  So screw them and their opinions.  I’m not going to let them effect me.

Bad days happen, and they happen often when you’re alone.  Sometimes it feels like you’re swimming in a deep vat of molasses.  It’s okay to feel lonely, sad, angry, upset; it’s not okay to let those feelings consume you.  I have to keep moving.

I love being able to drive!  Why didn’t I do this earlier?

I’m pretty awesome, my kids are pretty cool, we’re going to do big things and get so many things done.  Watch this space.

Just remember to breathe

Are you having a difficult time right now?

Does nothing seem to be going your way?

Difficult pregnancy?  Non-sleeping baby?  Illness?  Teething?

Worse?

Are you being persecuted?  Talked about maliciously behind your back?

Do you feel alone?  Lost?  Confused?

Do you wake up in the morning and wonder what on earth can happen next?

And it’s been going on for month after month, and you can’t catch a break, and you just want the world to leave you alone for a minute.  Or to leave your children alone.

Breathe.  Don’t forget to breathe.

This too shall pass.  All things must pass.  Morning always come, light always comes after the dark.  This day will end.

The crying will stop.  Those teeth will cut.  Everyone sleeps eventually.

But what can you do in the meantime to make your life easier?

Can the housework slide for a while?  Can you order in tonight?  Visit a friend?  Call someone and vent?

Call on a friend to help with the housework and kids?

Put your partner to work?

Because it’s important to have support.  It’s important to feel supported.  And if you think a friend is struggling, offer a hand.

And if all else fails, get everyone dressed and go for a walk.  Or put your favourite CD on (no Wiggles, no nursery rhymes, no playschool) and just dance.

You’ll get through this, the universe never gives us anything we can’t handle, though the task may seem mammoth and the end may not be clear just put one foot in front of the other.  You’ll be okay.

Making the best of it

How do you keep going when you feel your motivation is wavering? After all at the end of the day no one is around to analyze your parenting 24/7, there’s no one checking that you are still co-sleeping/babywearing/using gentle discipline. Let’s face it, sometimes it would be easier to just smack, give formula, use CIO techniques even if only in the short term.

So how do you keep it going?

I read, research and try to surround myself with like minded people, both online and in real life.

I vent my frustration in a safe way not towards my children instead of bottling it in.

I remind myself that I know better, that controlled crying or formula will not fix everything.

I give myself permission not to be perfect and to focus on only what’s important (parenting my children respectfully and peacefully) while putting housework second.

And I remind myself that this too shall pass. Childhood doesn’t last a lifetime but the lessons they learn now will.

So remember to breath, your babies are growing, each moment spent wishing time away is a moment you can’t get back. Be in the moment, be present in the lives of your children, and be present in your own life and take joy in it.

It’s a beautiful day.