Spare the rod, spoil the child
It’s a phrase people often utter in an attempt to justify the corporal punishment of children, after all spanking is biblical! However the phrase spare the rod spoil the child never appears in that form in the bible. There are however passages from Proverbs that do condone a violent method of parenting. Proverbs come from the time of Solomon and no dohbt reflect Solomon’s own philosophy on raising he son, Rehoboam.
The following quotations come from the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible:
Prov 13:24: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently).”
Prov 19:18: “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”
Prov 22:15: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
Prov 23:13: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”
Prov 23:14: “Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel).”
Prov 29:15: “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”
An additional verse from the New Testament is occasionally cited as justification for physical punishment of children:
Hebrews 12:6-7: “…the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?”
The results of corporal punishment, as described in the Bible:
It is likely that these passages in Proverbs describe Solomon’s own parenting style when he raised his son Rehoboam. The Bible subsequently records the negative effect that this parenting style had on his son.
Rehoboam became a widely hated ruler after his father’s death. At one point, he had to make a hasty retreat to Jerusalem to avoid being assassinated by his own people:
1 Kings 12:13-14: “And the king [Rehoboam] answered the people roughly, and forsook the counsel of the old men which they had given him, and spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke: my father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.” (ASV)
1 Kings 12:18: “Then king Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was over the men subject to taskwork; and all Israel stoned him to death with stones. And king Rehoboam made speed to get him up to his chariot, to flee to Jerusalem.” (ASV)
These same events are recorded in 2 Chronicles 10:6-19.
It can be argued that:
Most conservative Protestants believe that the Bible is completely accurate and inerrant – free of error.
The passages in Proverbs probably accurately and precisely portray Solomon’s parenting style.
As an adult, Solomon’s son Rehoboam, was vicious, unfeeling, inconsiderate to his subjects, had no regard for human rights, and was widely hated. He barely escaped assassination at the hands of his own people.
So perhaps instead of blindly following what is written in Proverbs as the definitive method for raising children, you need to apply some critical thinking skills.
If you don’t want your children to grow up to be like Rehoboam, then you should not follow Solomon’s parenting style, as it is accurately described in the Bible.
You should avoid using spanking or any other form of corporal punishment.
We must look again at the quote from the New Testament.
Hebrews 12:6-7: “…the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?”
It is not clear what this discipline is. No where does it say that it is corporal punishment.
Many parents confuse discipline and punishment. Discipline is a method of teaching and guiding and can combine any number of tools, including redirection, distraction, discussion, and reflection.
Let’s face it, children are like little sponges who soak up everything around them. Spanking them to put the fear of God in them will only teach to spank when frustrated. That whoever is biggest is always right. And that power is in physical strength. To do right only to avoid the punishment not because doing the right thing is best.
Now I was spanked as a child and I have no resentment towards my parents, I don’t even believe they did the wrong thing, I think they did a great job as parents and I love and respect them. But that’s not what I want for my children and it’s not what I believe in as a parent.
