When a good friend of mine began telling people that she had plans for her daughter would be going into daycare a couple of days a week when she went back to work after just under 5 months she may as well have told people she had enrolled her in the best Hitler Jurgen program. The judgement came thick and fast, and a lot of it was really cruel. This friend of mine is a highly educated, highly successful, highly skilled woman who loves her job. She worked really hard to get to where she is and was really looking forward to going back part time. She is also a brilliant mother and that baby loves her to absolute pieces. She couldn’t do a more fabulous job if she tried. And yet people called her all sorts of nasty things, including ignorant.
This woman is far from ignorant.
On the flip side when I said I was getting out of the Navy after my daughter was born as it was the best decision for my family I was told I was making a huge mistake, I was an idiot, we’d never survive on just one income, blah blah blah. It was my decision, no one elses. And honestly, I have enjoyed being a stay at home mum. I’ve been very privledged to have this time with my children and I’ll never get it back again.
So when I started studying and working from home I copped judgement again. How do you find the time, do you neglect the kids to get it done.
Quite frankly it’s word vommit. It’s people spewing their issues on other people becuase they’re making choices that they don’t understand and haven’t taken the time to gain a better understanding of.
Gone are the days of women only having one option. Have babies no longer equates to being a stay at home parent. You don’t only go back to work because you’re broke. Shock! Horror! I work because I want to! I work because I love what I do! I work becuase I find it fufilling, rewarding and enjoyable!
Now I have chosen to work from home because I believe it gives me the very best of both worlds. However next year, I’m going to be doing some part time work outside the home. Some of it may even be overnight. Shocking. The children will mostly be looked after by their father, or should I say parented by their father on those evenings. I’m very fortunate that in my husband I have a competent and willing coparent.
DS will be 2 when he goes to daycare 1-2 days a week. I believe it will be good for him. He enjoys creche for an hour 3 times a week while I go to the gym.
I don’t think I could have put the kids into full time childcare, even now that they’re toddlers rather then babies, but that was my personal choice regarding what worked best for me and my children. That’s not about anyone else. Now that they’re older I feel ready so that’s what we’re doing.
Working, stay at home, work from home, entrepanuer, self employed, consultant, whatever you call yourself. The judgement of others means nothing. What is important is what you think, feel, and believe about yourself and your situation. If you believe your situation is no good, change it. Reach out. There are great opportunities out there.
It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you love doing it. You don’t even have to do just one thing, or wear one hat. I myself wear many hats. Mum, wife, student, business woman, friend, sister, daughter… I could go on and on. I am no defined by a job or a title. I am who I am and I do what I do.
And I’m pretty darn good at it too.
I bet you men don’t label themselves as stay at home dad, working dad, work from home dad, I bet they don’t whisper judgement about each other. I doubt it even registers.