Autumn

It’s Autumn.

It’s not cold but there is a very different weather pattern happening. Trees are losing leaves, the summer rain has gone, the clouds are light and grey instead of heavy and black. There’s no humidity anymore. I love this time of year.

But does anyone else feel like there are just not enough hours in the day?

Lately my blogging has been quite sporadic because between parenting, studying, housekeeping, socializing, and sleeping, I’m not really finding time for much else. Throw in having cars stolen and our house broken into, it seems as though every last minute of every day is spent doing something. Or catching up on something that should have been done the day before.

Last night the small one only woke once overnight. Hallelujah! When DS woke up and I heard the shower going I thought “WTH, why is he showering at this hour of the night, he’s woken the baby!”

It was actually 5.30am.

Oops.

I’m actually finding myself really no longer interested in a lot of birth or newborn type stuff unless it really grabs me. I just don’t have the time. Majority of the reading I’m doing is course related.

Which, by the way, is going well. I have two subjects completed, Nutrition 1 and Naturopathic Philosophy with a credit and a distinction respectively. I’m now working on Herbal Medicine 1 and Anatomy and Physiology 1. I’m plodding along with it and very much enjoying it.

My mother in law will be here next week and we’re all very much looking forward to that.

It’s beginning to cool down overnight now and the kids are in winter pjs.

We’re getting there, albeit quite slowly at times. We’re waiting for a few things to happen and I know that they will.

Health wise I’m feeling fit, strong and healthy. I’m getting to the gym a couple of times a week and working towards my fitness goals.

Overall we’re doing okay. Having the cars stolen was a huge stressor but it looks like the end of that saga is very near.

Fingers crossed.

What do you do all day?

As a mum a lot of the work I do is invisible. If you weren’t here to see the spill on the floor, you won’t know I ever cleaned it up. If you didn’t see the kitchen utensils scattered from one end of the house to the other, you won’t know I spent half an hour tracking them all down. If you didn’t see the tantrums, tears, settling for naps, breastfeeds, packing away of toys, reading of stories, trips to the park, kissing of boo-boos, explanations to the 2 year old about every. little. thing. and the making of, serving of and cleaning up after every meal – then its like it never happened and I did nothing.

If you come home of an evening and the house looks relatively the same, that means I got quite a lot done. Some days living with two active toddlers is like trying to hold back a hurricane with a single finger, it doesn’t work.

Other days we get extras done. I mean the quick clean of a bathroom or the making of beds. That is an extra.

Now that I study the “what do you do all day” question bites even more. I do a lot. A damn lot. My head hits the pillow every night and I am mentally and physically spent.

My house is not perfect and I make no secret of the fact that I hate housework. I hate putting washing away, or drying the dishes. I don’t mind vacuuming because it’s quick but I can’t stand mopping. Polishing furniture bo-ring. I’d much rather reread Louis Pasteur’s theory on germs then clean the toilet. I will admit I put the blinkers on and chose to ignore certain messes. Wish my husband could.

But it’s not my husband who asks me what I do all day, at least not outright on occasion it is implied. And I will admit before my first child was actually born I thought stay at home mum’s were all about Oprah, lunch dates, shopping and Playgroup. I was wrong. I look back now and laugh, one baby that was easy.

My toddlers can be an organized and efficient demolition crew. While I’m cleaning up in one room they are pulling the other one apart. I almost feel like one day my husband is going to open the front door and it will all come pouring out like opening a flood gate. Some days it is more war zone then family home, I’m sure mums of toddlers can relate.

When my first was a little over 1 she could pull out all her toys and spread them across the living room floor in under 30 seconds. I timed her. She’s a mess making machine.

I don’t believe in training toddlers to clean. My 15 month old loves to copy me with a rag wiping down surfaces and my almost 3 year old will put her toys back in the toy box. She’ll also tell me when there’s a mess and attempt to wipe up her spills. I don’t expect them to clean, I don’t expect them to do anything, cleaning is not their job, playing is their job. I’m often told you have to train them young. I don’t think so. If they went to childcare and were sweeping floors or wiping down tables I would be livid.

So mum’s, we do a lot, some of it can only be seen by us, or our children, while other things like our happy healthy well cared for children are a testament to everyone of the great work we’re doing. Forget the tidy house, as long as it’s not a pig sty then it doesn’t really matter. Engaging with your children, that is what’s really important.

Speaking of which, I have work to do

Sunday catch up

The wet season is over, the dry season is here. This is by far my favourite time of year.

It’s cool of an evening and in the morning but lovely warm and sunny in the day. Slowly the grass will turn crispy under foot.

It’s perfect weather to grow tomatoes, I should get onto that.

This dry season as opposed to last I have two walking one talking toddlers. I am so much closer to getting my drivers license. And I’m much more confident in myself and my parenting. I’m no longer in survival mode, I’m thriving!

I have 29 hours of driving left to do. Only 29 hours! I can do that!

I get a little bit more sleep, though it is unpredictable and some nights he sleeps through and other nights he doesn’t.

And I’m happier. And I’m healthier.

We’ve made big decisions. No more babies. We now have permanent contraception in place. Well, hubby does, I suppose I could have a love child if he were to deploy overseas, but that would require a lot of effort and I’m very lazy lol

I got my very first assignment back 30/30! Take that previous commenters who called me uneducated and picked on my grammar!

So we’re going well. I’m feeling okay about this wonder week. But I’m just at the beginning, ask me how I feel next week

A little bit of everything today

I get migraines, bad ones. I have done since my first migraine following my epidural after my daughter was born and then every period since. It’s debilitating and renders me virtually unable to parent my children 3 days out of every month.

I usually take panadol or nurofen or a combination of both. A cold pack on the back of my neck and my forehead while lying in a dark room also helps.

Sleep is best, undisturbed sleep in a cool dark room.

I have two toddlers and a partner who works inflexible hours, I can’t just spend 3 days in bed so I’ve been suffering through.

I read in Prescription for Natural Cures by James Balch, Mark Stengler and Robin Balch that there are some things that can help.

Avoiding caffeine is one, I’m slowly cutting that out. I had a cup of coffee yesterday afternoon and couldn’t fall asleep until about 10pm.

Taking calcium, magnesium, and omega 3 is another suggestion, so I’m now doing that.

I’m on the look out for a practitioner of TCM in Townsville, preferably someone who practices acupuncture.

I’ve seen GPs who have told me that there is nothing physically wrong with me so just take panadol and nurofen and rest. That would be fine it the headaches were a one off but they’re not. I’m over living my life like this 3 days a month, it’s time to take charge of my own healthcare.

Someone said of me lately that naturopathy isn’t a profession and that it’s a load of quackery. Well, I think that’s a bit much. Perhaps doctors don’t want to believe that natural therapies have merit because it goes at odds with what they believe while naturopaths believe that all medical systems have a place and a purpose.

I write my blog posts on an iPhone, generally I do so while breastfeeding my son. Typos happen and to the grammarphiles I apologize if I offend with my spelling mistakes and awkward autocorrections.

As for my education, well I finished high school with good marks and was accepted to university to do a Bachelor of Education (Special Education) which I enjoyed and did for a year. But being behind a desk was not for me, so I deferred and eventually quit and joined the workforce.

I worked at Hungry Jacks. Then at Storm Financial as a receptionist before joining the Navy in 2007. I joined as an officer and completed the New Entry Officer Course all the way up to the field phase, but being an officer was not for me and I changed over to be a sailor. From there I went on to complete my Certificate II in Kitchen Operations through the Australian Defence Force School of Catering.

I posted to HMAS Kuttabul and did a little time at sea. Then I got married. Then I had a baby. Left the Navy. Had another baby. Moved to Townsville and survived having 2 under 2. Now I’m studying via distance education through the Australian Institute of Applied Sciences. I’m studying an Advanced Diploma of Naturopathy, at the moment I’m studying Nutrition 1 and Naturopathic Philosophy.

I have 2×1,000 word essays, 2x nutritional assessments and 2×2 hour short answer exams. It’s not an easy course but I am enjoying the challenge.

This blog is not something I get paid to do, it’s not a scientific debate of statistics and data, and it’s not ever a replacement for quality advice from trained medical professionals. I do not pretend to be a midwife or a doctor. I’m just a woman, wife and mother who believes that we all deserve choices. We should all have the right to decide what advice we follow and what advice we go against, no matter who that advice comes from.

I believe in a woman’s right to have an abortion, not because it’s something I would do but because the decision to carry and birth a baby is one that can only be made by that woman and no one should ever be forced to birth a baby they don’t want or can’t care for. No woman should endure the trauma of gestating their rapists baby.

I believe Homebirth should remain legal. Not because I believe hospital births are ‘bad’ but because I believe that the decisions regarding where and how a mother births are hers to make alone. Doctors and midwives can give advice and should give women all the facts but the decision should be make by the mother. Even if the medical professional believes it is the wrong decision it is not theirs to make. And don’t screw with the statistics, if we believe that condoms working 99.8% of the time is a good success rate and that this makes them an acceptable form contraception and a reliable one at that. Then considering that in 2007 99.7% of babies born at home in Australia (I’m Australian, I use Australian statistics ) were live born, wouldn’t that indicate that it’s a pretty reliable way to give birth?

I believe in attachment parenting, not because I think it’s the only way but because it is what works best for me and my family. I believe just like with medicine there are alternatives to the sometimes harsh methods we’re otherwise told to use. Call it a holistic way of parenting. Spanking for example looks only at fixing the problem at hand without worry of possible negative problems, gentle guidance looks at the child as a whole and works with them through each temper tantrum and episode of misbehavior, it works on them as a person not just on single behaviors.

Anyway, that’s my bit for the day. I get migraines, doing some ‘hippy stuff’ to try and make them easier to live with, I’ve got a pretty good education and working on getting a better one, I believe in abortion and homebirth and attachment parenting.

If I’m going to talk the talk…

I haven’t been blogging as much lately. I have been busy.

To start I’m now a full time student, I’m studying an advanced diploma of naturopathy. Already I’m learning so much!

Secondly, I’ve started down the path of a fulfilling and meaningful career with a company I really admire and respect.

Thirdly, my husband has been away with the Army only coming home on the weekends.

And lastly there has been illness and teething. One night the small one woke 5 times overnight and then started his day at 5am! I was thankful this happened on a Friday night/Saturday morning because it meant it was Dad’s turn!

Now I’ve been studying and I’ve been focusing my energies on Nutrition and Naturopathic Philosophy. And if I’m going to talk the talk about lifestyle change to be healthy and prevent disease, then I’m going to have to walk the walk.

So I’m making some changes. Again. I thought we ate fairly healthy, and we do, but there are some things that have to go.

Alas caffeine will go (might be time to prepare yourself for an angry ranty Instinctive Parenting in the mean time ) so no more coffee, no more tea, no more chocolate. Okay so maybe I’ll reserve chocolate for special occasions like birthdays and holidays. Hooray for raw chocolate!

No more refined sugar.

No more refined flour.

And I’m getting rid of the last of the processed food that we eat.

I’m going to stock a basic home herbal remedy kit including homeopathics, Manuka honey, flower essences, massage oil, Fisiocream, and colloidal minerals.

And I’ll be diligent about our supplements. Especially the kids.

I can’t expect others to make the changes that I’m not willing to make myself.

Under Pressure

I often hear that from the second you fall pregnant well meaning friends and family are offering you all sorts of advice; good, bad, helpful, upsetting, condecending and sometimes just plain weird.

I must have had a big sign on my head that said “don’t talk to me about this baby” because very few people offered me any sort of advice. I had a lovely boss, we shared an office, he would always make sure I had the comfortable chair, there was cold water in the fridge, I only had to write an appointment with my OB up on the white board and I had the day off, it was a great environment to work in. He would often talk about the things his 3 year old son was up to and would add at the end, “it’s all ahead of you, so much to look forward to.” And nothing he said was negative, it was about his son’s favourite book or song or what they got up to on the weekend. I was blessed, there were no horror stories about colicky newborns or tantruming toddlers, just a dad who loved his son and wanted to tell the world.

Then I went on maternity leave. My friend had a big baby, she said she’d begged for drugs but they wouldn’t give them to her, she said she’d screamed that the baby was stuck, but they wouldn’t listen until after hours of pushing it was apparent the baby was stuck. She got an infection from the hospital.

I was scared witless. And that fear carried over into my daughter’s birth. I was scared I couldn’t cope with the migraine any longer (after 2 weeks of vommiting and blurry vision) so I opted for an induction at 39+5. I was scared I couldn’t cope with the contractions anymore so I opted for an epidural after just 4 hours. And then after her birth I was scared that her unsettled crying was due to my poor milk supply so I opted for formula the moment it was suggested at her 2 week check up.

Now I look back at the day she was born as one of the best of my life. But I can see room for improvement.

As mothers we are constantly under pressure. Pressure from ourselves, pressure from our partners, our parents, our in laws, our extended families, our friends, our doctors. Is she feeding well? Does she always cry this much? Why isn’t she sleeping through already? Keep doing that and you’ll spoil her rotten.

I was incredibly blessed with the mothers group I found myself in after my daughters birth. They were kind, loving, accepting women who supported me in every decision I made. I was sad to leave them behind when we moved.

It is a shame they aren’t all like that.

We are our own harshest critics. Mothers don’t need anymore criticism of their parenting choices. We’re the first to say that we failed, that we get it right or that we should have done better. What we need are people who support us, acknowledge that we’re doing our very best but also don’t sugar coat the facts.

For example someone once told me that “well I formula fed my baby and he’s totally fine so I reckon it’s just as good, your baby will be fine too.” I found it so dismissive. Someone else said to me, “I’m sorry you weren’t supported in breastfeeding your daughter but you did the best you could.”

This article came up on my news feed this morning. It annoyed me. It reinforces the idea that if you’re struggling with breastfeeding just give it up, don’t look for support or for help, besides font you want dad and grandma to bond with baby too?

Dad and grandma can bond with baby by bathing, cuddling, talking to, and settling baby. Feeding isn’t the only way.

Perhaps if there wasn’t as much pressure to keep the house clean, the husband happy and the baby constantly content breastfeeding wouldn’t be a big deal. If we valued that precious newborn time and weren’t forcing women to get back to it quick smart. If we valued the role of the stay at home mum.

The expectations need to go. We’ll get back to the tidy house one day, our relationship will survive as long as both parties understand the changes that happen when a baby comes along and normal newborn behaviour is recognized, a fussy day doesn’t mean bad milk.

And people kept their horror stories to themselves!

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