Promoting positive attitudes in my home

We were up 4 times last night. 10, 12, 2, 3 and then up for the day at 4.50am.

When I pulled myself out of bed I said out loud.
“This is bullshit, I don’t want to get out of bed yet.”

I fed DS lying down in bed. He had too much too fast and threw up all over my chest. Charming. But he was grinning and doing that cute smiling bobble head thing little ones do. So up we got and he played on the living room floor while I did, well a whole bunch of nothing.

Breakfast, coffee, toddler cuddles, argument with an almost toilet trained toddler over her not wanting to use the potty but obviously needing to pee, fold some laundry, put the baby back to bed as he was visibly and obviously very tired, fold some more laundry.

Being tired is all part and parcel of being a mother of young children particularly babies and toddlers.

It just comes with the territory.

And I can get cranky about it and spend my days feeling frustrated and annoyed, or I can just get on with it.

You can be happy and tired. Being annoyed and upset helps no one and constantly focusing on negatives just makes the problems worse.

I am in control of how I feel. Not my children, not my husband, not random people commenting on my Facebook statuses, just me.

I figure in a few years these sleepless nights will just be a memory. Will I look at this time and think, well I was tired but for the most part I was happy? That’s what I hope.

There are so many people out there really struggling with huge issues, poverty, abuse, serious illness, I could go on but my point is this -

Today I woke up healthy, my children also woke up. So did my husband. We’re alive! Fantastic! Then we had breakfast, we have food, great. My children played with toys and each other. How wonderful it is to provide them with those luxuries. We have a roof over our heads, beds to sleep in, we have each other and we have enough to eat.

How privileged we are.

Many people this year will sit at a table with a loved one missing for Christmas, soldiers overseas will miss their families, some will get in their cars and not make it to their destination.

I’ve had a rough year, I think the first year of a child’s life can be incredibly trying, at least for me it is. But I’ve made a conscious decision that for every negative I will find a positive.

I was awake 4 times last night, but at least being summer it’s not too cold getting out of bed at that time and the moon was bright and beautiful.

I’m feeling tired today, but my husband will be on holidays soon.

The wonder week has started, but that means my son is learning new things and now that it has begun it will soon end, it won’t last forever.

My son is growing up so fast, but that means soon he will be a walking talking toddler and I think toddlers are more fun then babies

For me and my family, remembering that things could be worse and trying to put a positive spin on things even when it seems like it just couldn’t get any worse makes for a happier home and a better way to live.

Who wants to be angry or sad all the time?

Here, just for a giggle

When babies stop sleeping

My baby was sleeping well and now isn’t, HELP!

Remain calm, do not panic. How old is your baby?

4 months.

Light bulb moment. 4 month old sleep regression.

Sleep regression? Wonder weeks? Growth spurts?

All babies go through periods of heightened growth and development. As their worlds change and their abilities increase, they also have big changes going on in their brain often leading to periods of crankiness, clinginess and crying.

Some people call it growth spurts, others wonder weeks and some have termed it sleep regression. What you call it does not matter.

It can seem like it goes on forever, especially if you have teething and illness on top of it. A friend of mine haw had 3 straight months of illness on top of wonder weeks, and I think of her often and how she’s doing it tough.

How do you know when one is coming?
I have the wonder weeks app, and when I notice my baby being particularly cranky I check the app, surprise surprise it’s a wonder week. You can also buy the book, The Wonder Weeks or go the wonder weeks website

How do we get survive a period of sleep regression?
The first thing you do is slow right down. Peaceful days encourage peaceful nights. It migh be inconvenient to rearrange your schedule but it could make all the difference.

Vent and accept support. Vent in a safe way, phone a friend, write in a blog or parenting forum, put your baby down somewhere safe like in a cot/bassinet/on the floor/in a bouncer and walk away for 5 minutes to calm down. Accept offers of help as they come your way.

Forget about the housework. It doesnt matter if the house is a wreck when you finally get baby down for a nap, you go for a nap.

Remember that your baby will be learning something new and when all this finishes they’ll have something new to show you.

It’s only temporary, they will get back to sleeping eventually and it will be like this never happened.

Am I creating a rod for my own back?
By gently parenting your baby through their period if heightened clinginess you are not creating a rod for your own back or spoiling your baby. Quite the opposite. You’re tending to your babies needs, facilitating the extra learning and maintaining the healthy attachment. There is no need to start a stricter routine or regime around sleep during a wonder week. More cuddles and closeness will make it easier on both of you.

But my baby doesn’t need feeding during the night anymore, should I offer water instead?
Babies needs, especially for feeding, isn’t cut and dry. My first would go without a night feed for a while and then want her bottle again for a few weeks, it would go in cycles. I wouldn’t deny a baby under 2 years of age a night feed, but that’s my personal feeling on it. I defiantly wouldn’t night wean before 1 year or limit access to the boob at all before 1 year, but again that is my personal feeling. I have found offering a feed straight away in the dark without talking let’s baby know it’s night time it’s bed time and you’re either feeding or sleeping. The few times I tried to settle without a milk feed when my daughter was around 14 months took so much longer, she got distressed and in the end she would wake earlier for a feed anyway. I also resettle after 45 minutes with a breastfeed as well. But again, each to their own.

We’ve been following Save Our Sleep and she doesn’t mention sleep regression or these wonder weeks, what should I do?
Even babies who have been sleep trained can start waking through the night during a growth spurt or wonder week, and then what? More crying, more distress, mothers feeling like failures because their baby is deviating from the ‘plan.’. On Becoming Babywise suggests that babies sleep through from 8 weeks with no night feeds, no mention of differing needs during mental leaps there.

The best thing is to forget any set routine or regime during this period of mental growth. They aren’t doing this to annoy you, your baby is genuinely having a difficult time with a huge increase of brain activity as they learn something new. They haven’t read the book and they don’t know that they aren’t ‘allowed’ to start waking again.

I have found with both my children when they woke in the night that gentle settling techniques helped my babies get back to sleep calmly and stopped them from revving themselves up too much. It also helped me get to sleep quicker, loud crying would startle me awake, gentle rocking makes me sleepy and relaxed, I fall asleep much better.

A heightened period of mental development isn’t the time to start something new either, there’s already so much going on that I wouldn’t expect much of it to be retained let alone work.

You need to do what works for you during this period without worrying about ruining the routine or not sticking to the plan.

When does it end?
Shortly after her first birthday my daughter stopped having these periods of fussiness now that I think about it. She still does have growth spurts but she just ends up eating everything and wakes up in the morning demanding nutella sandwiches and big glasses of milk. I find a majority of her frustration, tantrums and crankiness come down to two things – needing a nap or inability to communicate, and it no longer goes on for weeks at a time.