What do you do all day?

As a mum a lot of the work I do is invisible. If you weren’t here to see the spill on the floor, you won’t know I ever cleaned it up. If you didn’t see the kitchen utensils scattered from one end of the house to the other, you won’t know I spent half an hour tracking them all down. If you didn’t see the tantrums, tears, settling for naps, breastfeeds, packing away of toys, reading of stories, trips to the park, kissing of boo-boos, explanations to the 2 year old about every. little. thing. and the making of, serving of and cleaning up after every meal – then its like it never happened and I did nothing.

If you come home of an evening and the house looks relatively the same, that means I got quite a lot done. Some days living with two active toddlers is like trying to hold back a hurricane with a single finger, it doesn’t work.

Other days we get extras done. I mean the quick clean of a bathroom or the making of beds. That is an extra.

Now that I study the “what do you do all day” question bites even more. I do a lot. A damn lot. My head hits the pillow every night and I am mentally and physically spent.

My house is not perfect and I make no secret of the fact that I hate housework. I hate putting washing away, or drying the dishes. I don’t mind vacuuming because it’s quick but I can’t stand mopping. Polishing furniture bo-ring. I’d much rather reread Louis Pasteur’s theory on germs then clean the toilet. I will admit I put the blinkers on and chose to ignore certain messes. Wish my husband could.

But it’s not my husband who asks me what I do all day, at least not outright on occasion it is implied. And I will admit before my first child was actually born I thought stay at home mum’s were all about Oprah, lunch dates, shopping and Playgroup. I was wrong. I look back now and laugh, one baby that was easy.

My toddlers can be an organized and efficient demolition crew. While I’m cleaning up in one room they are pulling the other one apart. I almost feel like one day my husband is going to open the front door and it will all come pouring out like opening a flood gate. Some days it is more war zone then family home, I’m sure mums of toddlers can relate.

When my first was a little over 1 she could pull out all her toys and spread them across the living room floor in under 30 seconds. I timed her. She’s a mess making machine.

I don’t believe in training toddlers to clean. My 15 month old loves to copy me with a rag wiping down surfaces and my almost 3 year old will put her toys back in the toy box. She’ll also tell me when there’s a mess and attempt to wipe up her spills. I don’t expect them to clean, I don’t expect them to do anything, cleaning is not their job, playing is their job. I’m often told you have to train them young. I don’t think so. If they went to childcare and were sweeping floors or wiping down tables I would be livid.

So mum’s, we do a lot, some of it can only be seen by us, or our children, while other things like our happy healthy well cared for children are a testament to everyone of the great work we’re doing. Forget the tidy house, as long as it’s not a pig sty then it doesn’t really matter. Engaging with your children, that is what’s really important.

Speaking of which, I have work to do

Sunday catch up

The wet season is over, the dry season is here. This is by far my favourite time of year.

It’s cool of an evening and in the morning but lovely warm and sunny in the day. Slowly the grass will turn crispy under foot.

It’s perfect weather to grow tomatoes, I should get onto that.

This dry season as opposed to last I have two walking one talking toddlers. I am so much closer to getting my drivers license. And I’m much more confident in myself and my parenting. I’m no longer in survival mode, I’m thriving!

I have 29 hours of driving left to do. Only 29 hours! I can do that!

I get a little bit more sleep, though it is unpredictable and some nights he sleeps through and other nights he doesn’t.

And I’m happier. And I’m healthier.

We’ve made big decisions. No more babies. We now have permanent contraception in place. Well, hubby does, I suppose I could have a love child if he were to deploy overseas, but that would require a lot of effort and I’m very lazy lol

I got my very first assignment back 30/30! Take that previous commenters who called me uneducated and picked on my grammar!

So we’re going well. I’m feeling okay about this wonder week. But I’m just at the beginning, ask me how I feel next week

Are you STILL in your pjs?

I had a door knocker come to my house earlier, it’s not even 9am on a Sunday mind you, and seem shocked that I’m still in my PJs. I didn’t bother to put on clothes to answer the door, whatever it was that he was selling I wasn’t buying but how about a run down of why I’m still in my PJs.

At 10pm after finishing some study I let DH know I’m going to bed. He follows me and gives me some important information about his corps is being being downsized maybe and he might either be away 8-9 months a year every year or leave the army. No idea what he’s going to do or what he wants to do. End of conversation.

Of course I then have an awesome nights sleep.

At 1.45am the baby wakes up. Being that it’s April 1st he plays this awesome joke where he falls asleep for 10 minutes wakes up needs a couple of minutes soothing back to sleep for 10 minutes wakes up couple minutes of soothing. This goes on until 3.30am when he finally falls asleep at the breast. I transfer him. He stays asleep. I have now been awake so long I can’t switch off my brain.

Finally fall asleep shortly before my husbands alarm goes off. Yup he works on a Sunday.

I fall asleep again to be woken up at 6, the toddler is awake and DH needs to leave for work. I stumble out of bed and lay down on the couch.

Wake up to toddler smacking me in the face with a spatula telling me “baby wake mummy get baby.”

Stumble up the hall and get baby out of bed, back to the couch and onto the boob. Wake up to baby smacking me in the face and laughing hysterically.

Coffee. “Mummy give me milk,” “mummy I want bread,” and generally crying and whinging all about the place.

Make toast, toddler has a melt down because I use the open jar of honey instead of the full new sealed one. They’re the same apart from one being a quarter empty (no its not three quarters full I’m not in the mood for glass half full half empty shit, it’s a quarter empty and that’s that).

She agrees to eat the toast in front of the TV. I pull the high chair in from outside, the baby is such a messier eater that I hose the high chair down of an evening.

Pop him in the high chair and put his toast on the tray. Turn to my coffee, turn around and he’s half out the high chair. Put him back in and hand him a sippy cup of water and some grapes. Finally he’s eating and happy. The toddler is eating and…

“Uh oh, it’s wet.”

She’s split that fudging cup of milk on herself. My house has an almost constant smell of milk because no matter what she always manages to spill it.

Clean up the spill and turn around to see toddler mashing grapes into his high chair tray. Get him out put him on the floor to play and drink a few sips of coffee.

He’s pulling out Daddy’s DVDs. Now to give you an idea of what I’m up against here this is my husbands DVD collection.

And while they’re packed in there pretty tight there are 3 spots where tiny little baby fingers manage to get movies out. And he does many times a day. Over and over and over.

So this morning I start running a sink of water (“movies are not toys baby, out to the toy room”), a few more sips of coffee (“movies are not toys baby, out to the toy room”), wash some dishes (“movies are not toys baby, out to the toy room”), and then tend to the toddler who wants more toast (“oh look your brother didn’t finish his, here you go”), and finish the dishes.

8am and Mike the Knight comes on, awesome another day with this crap song stuck in my head.

Take my supplements, thank god this is a habit or else I swear my body would just shut down all together.

Find toddler and baby putting clean washing back into the drier, usher them out of the laundry, shut the door and swear to deal with that later.

8.30am rolls around and there’s a knock at the door. You’re selling something, who knows what, you started with are you still in your PJs and I decided I wasn’t going to listen.

It takes a lot of work to look this crappy every day. It takes hours of overnight wakings, a hundred redirections, heaps of listening carefully and interpreting (seriously you playing toddler translator on minimal sleep) and it takes every ounce of energy not to pack myself up and hitch a ride to the nearest funny farm.

Not really, I love my kids, I love my family, I love being a mum despite it’s endless challenges.

But seriously 8.30am and I’m still in my PJs? Why so shocked, I’ll probably still be in them at midday.

Who door knocks at 8.30am any way?

Just go with it

Just relax, just let them be…

Just go away!

There’s a movement of ‘peaceful’ parents within attachment parenting. They don’t get angry, they don’t use any form of punishment, they just go with whatever their children are doing no matter what that makes them feel.

Sorry but that’s not me.

When my older child hits my younger child there are consequences. Why my toddler draws on the wall there are consequences. When my younger toddler pulls on my face or hair and hurts me there are consequences.

Now we don’t do spanking or swatting. I don’t think those methods are respectful to the child, it shows a lack of control in the parent and in my opinion it isn’t an effective method of preventing further hitting or violence from the child being spanked towards other children.

We don’t do traditional time outs either. We do time-in where we stay with or close by. And we do calm down jars. Jars filled with water and glitter with the lid glued on, shaken and watched until it (and the toddler) settles.

But I just can’t let everything go. I’ve met and read about parents who do and it gives attachment parents a bad name.

What might seem like a small thing in your home is not small in mine and I choose not to just “let it go” and to redirect my child on the issue.

I get angry, sometimes my kids see me getting angry. Sometimes I can’t stand there and smile while my toddler scribbles on the kitchen walls or while my baby bites down on my toddlers hand. They have to know that certain behaviors are not okay!

As an attachment parent I teach my children right from wrong in a way that is respectful to all members of the family while accepting that I am not a perfect person, I do get upset and angry, and that is okay.

Here is more on time out.

Diffusing tantrums – silly style

Yesterday, my daughter (2 and a half) woke up from her nap in an awful mood. She whinged and whined, the slightest little thing would set off a flood of tears and it was becoming difficult to try and figure out exactly what she wanted.

We got through dinner, just, and she ended up eating the third food we offered her because I just could not understand what she was saying while she was upset.

She played a little, she said she wanted to see the baby but then got upset when he touched her and she alternated between wanting mummy and daddy and wanting them to go away.

Finally it was time for a shower and she made it clear she didn’t want to go. Which would be fine except it had been a hot day and we were all a little sweaty and stinky.

The baby was with daddy so it was just the two of us. She threw herself on the floor and started to cry.

I got down to her level and asked her what she needed.

Nothing.

There were no tears, just this loooooong whinge.

There was no longer any reason for the tantrum, she was just hot and bothered, and tired.

I had two options, continue on the path we were going and get no relief from the tantrum until bedtime OR break the tantrum.

I stuck my tounge out and blew a raspberry and then told her, your turn.

She whinged, but with a small smile.

So I repeated.

Bigger smile.

Repeated.

Giggle.

Repeated.

Laughing.

Repeated.

On her feet laughing and blowing raspberries.

Sometimes after we’ve been thoughtful, kind, considerate, understanding, after we’ve been gentle with them and allowed them to feel however they need to; the tantrum continues. And sometimes we need to break the tantrum for our own sanity.

Sometimes you just have to be silly, you have to make them laugh.

It doesn’t always work, and if there is a real problem like pain or fever it may be a quick fix, but making a sick kid laugh can be doing them a massive favor anyway. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine.

There is no point in wondering how you ‘look’ when parenting toddlers. Sometimes you just have to go with it and remember you’re being silly to make them happy not because you’re some sort of a weirdo.

So poke out your tounge, tell an awful joke, make a silly face – whatever it takes.

My daughter is quite fond of fart jokes.

I think as parents we’re so hung up on being in control that it’s impossible to let go because we perceive letting go as losing control, when in fact sometimes to have to let go to regain it.

Promoting positive attitudes in my home

We were up 4 times last night. 10, 12, 2, 3 and then up for the day at 4.50am.

When I pulled myself out of bed I said out loud.
“This is bullshit, I don’t want to get out of bed yet.”

I fed DS lying down in bed. He had too much too fast and threw up all over my chest. Charming. But he was grinning and doing that cute smiling bobble head thing little ones do. So up we got and he played on the living room floor while I did, well a whole bunch of nothing.

Breakfast, coffee, toddler cuddles, argument with an almost toilet trained toddler over her not wanting to use the potty but obviously needing to pee, fold some laundry, put the baby back to bed as he was visibly and obviously very tired, fold some more laundry.

Being tired is all part and parcel of being a mother of young children particularly babies and toddlers.

It just comes with the territory.

And I can get cranky about it and spend my days feeling frustrated and annoyed, or I can just get on with it.

You can be happy and tired. Being annoyed and upset helps no one and constantly focusing on negatives just makes the problems worse.

I am in control of how I feel. Not my children, not my husband, not random people commenting on my Facebook statuses, just me.

I figure in a few years these sleepless nights will just be a memory. Will I look at this time and think, well I was tired but for the most part I was happy? That’s what I hope.

There are so many people out there really struggling with huge issues, poverty, abuse, serious illness, I could go on but my point is this -

Today I woke up healthy, my children also woke up. So did my husband. We’re alive! Fantastic! Then we had breakfast, we have food, great. My children played with toys and each other. How wonderful it is to provide them with those luxuries. We have a roof over our heads, beds to sleep in, we have each other and we have enough to eat.

How privileged we are.

Many people this year will sit at a table with a loved one missing for Christmas, soldiers overseas will miss their families, some will get in their cars and not make it to their destination.

I’ve had a rough year, I think the first year of a child’s life can be incredibly trying, at least for me it is. But I’ve made a conscious decision that for every negative I will find a positive.

I was awake 4 times last night, but at least being summer it’s not too cold getting out of bed at that time and the moon was bright and beautiful.

I’m feeling tired today, but my husband will be on holidays soon.

The wonder week has started, but that means my son is learning new things and now that it has begun it will soon end, it won’t last forever.

My son is growing up so fast, but that means soon he will be a walking talking toddler and I think toddlers are more fun then babies

For me and my family, remembering that things could be worse and trying to put a positive spin on things even when it seems like it just couldn’t get any worse makes for a happier home and a better way to live.

Who wants to be angry or sad all the time?

Here, just for a giggle

Toddlers, sugar and toddler formula

We all want to do the absolute best for our children.  We all want to make sure we’re giving them the best in nutrition.  But how many of us look at the nutrition information when choosing foods for our toddlers, and more specifically, toddler formula.

Baby formula isn’t simply cows milk in another form, here’s a list of what’s in formula -

“Enzymatically hydrolyzed reduced minerals, whey protein concentrate, palm olein, soy, coconut, high-oleic safflower oils, lactose, maltodextrin, patoassium citrate, calcium phosphate, calcium chloride, salt, potassium chloride, magnesium chloride, ferrous sulfate, zinc sulfate, copper sulfate, manganese sulfate, potassium iodide, soy lecithin, mono and diglycerides, inositol, choline bitartrate
sodium ascorbate, alpha tocophyeryl acetate, naicinamide, calcum pantothenate, riboflavin, pyridoxine hydrochloride, thiamine mononitrate, folic acid, phylloquinone, biotin, vitamin D3, vitamin B12, taurine,
L-carnitine”

 

Whey, one of the main ingredients in almost all formulas, is a waste by-product of producing certain dairy products, particularly cheeses.  Aren’t you glad that the manufacturers now have a profitable way to dispose of their former waste products?

Palm, coconut and safflower oils are some of the least expensive oils, and so are used in many snack foods, and such things as movie theatre popcorn.

One of my biggest concerns, is the sugar.  Take a look at this stick pack of S26 toddler formula a friend of mine was handed in a Coles Mother and Baby bag.

 

 

CHECK OUT THE SUGAR CONTENT!

This muesli bar has less then half the sugar.

 

A serve of Cadbury’s mousse chocolate has LESS sugar then the toddler formula.

The toddler formula has as much sugar as 3 Tim Tams, and as much sugar as a strawberries and cream glazed donut from Crispy Cream…

 

The question is, would you give your toddler this much sugar on a spoon?  Remembering in formula it is refined sugar, not natural sugars.  It could be corn syrup, fructose, sucrose…

The next thing to remember is that many parents give toddlers bottles in bed, meaning this sugar will then sit on their teeth, possibly all night.  Can you say cavities?

By the time your toddler is 12 months old, if they’re not breastfeeding then a balanced diet and some dairy is sufficient.  Remember green leafy vegetables contain calcium.  There are many types of milk other then cow’s, including goat, nut, rice, coconut.

Here is a healthy food pyramid and guide to healthy eating for toddlers.

Keep in mind that toddler milk is nothing more than a way for formula companies to get around advertising laws, if your child is still on formula at 6 months or 1 year there is no reason why you can’t continue on the 1st step formula.  Better yet, breastfeeding is recommended for the first 2 years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Birthdays for babies

Let’s face it, the first birthday is for the parents. It’s a chance to celebrate the day your child was born and also to pat ourselves on the back for ‘surviving’ the first year. How many parents at 1, 2, 3 months into the lives of their child just can’t picture their babies as toddlers? Just can’t picture them playing or gaining any sort of independence? The first birthday really is a chance to say “we did it!” A birthday party is a chance to celebrate that achievement with loved ones.

The child will never remember it. So it doesn’t matter if it’s just a few friends at home or a lavish affair with copious amounts of guests.

In fact, your child would probably prefer a low key event with friends and family he or she sees regularly, lots of people surrounding them could be overwhelming and overstimulating. Especially when each guest brings a gift.

We had a low key BBQ with family, a few friends, and the children we saw regularly at mothers group. At the end of the day DD was tired but not overwhelmed. We saved the presents for at home so she could open them at her own pace in her own environment.

As her second birthday rapidly approaches we’re looking to celebrate with a trip to her favorite place, the aquarium, with a few toddler friends and their parents followed by a picnic lunch in the park, all wrapped up at about noon. It’ll be on a weekday so it’s not too crowded or busy, it’ll be before lunch so there’s even less of a crowd, with lunch still at her usual eating time so we don’t have a hunger melt down and home in time for a nap if she gets too tired. While planning this years celebrations we’ve still taken into consideration the fact that she is a toddler and the restrictions that can place on an outing, birthday or not. We’ve also considered what she would enjoy. She doesn’t normally enjoy huge crowds so a big party would be overwhelming, and not enjoyable for her, so low key day out it is.

Presents is another area where I sometimes struggle with wanting to lavish my child in gifts, and what is practical and affordable. DD is not yet talking so doesn’t ask for anything yet, so buying for her is still pretty much a guessing game. A few small presents, and some WAHM clothes (work at home mum) will be the ticket this year. She doesn’t understand the concept of birthdays and presents so getting her a gift is really for us then it is her, however she doesn’t need some more clothes as she grows and she does need some more age appropriate toys.

The food is another sticking point, a party isn’t an excuse to feed my child junk I wouldn’t otherwise be comfortable feeding her, and I can offer an array of healthy options like finger sandwiches, fruit skewers, vege sticks, homemade dips and a healthy birthday cake. As much as I want her to enjoy her day, I don’t want to deal with a sugar melt down post-party.

I’m not sure what we’ll do for DSs first birthday. I’m tossing up between low key function in the park and a low key lunch at home. Either way it will be small and more of an opportunity to high five each other for making it rather then a chance to party.