Reflections on solo parenting

It’s been a long couple of weeks.

I’ve been solo parenting with my husband has been away with the Army and this afternoon/evening he comes home.  It feels surreal, he’s come home.  I feel like I have been doing this alone all along.  It will be great to have him home though.  My almost 3 year old has reached her limit coping with his absence.  She isn’t dealing with saying goodbye.  We had my sister visit for her birthday party and dropping her at the airport resulted in an awful melt down.  Full on screaming.

And can I say that this last wonder week has made my 18 month old particularly unpleasant to be around at times?  I know that’s really not what you’re supposed to say but holy heck, the tantrums they seem to be never ending.  This too shall pass.  This too shall pass.

But this afternoon he comes back and I’ll have a partner in parenting again.  Woohoo!!!

I have a feeling that today will go really really incredibly slow.  Really.

I’ve had some huge revelations about my life and my future during this period of reflection.  I’ve had a lot of time alone and a lot of time to really think.

My dreams for the future will come true if I let them.  If I hold on to them they will happen.  My future success is only limited by the limits I put on it.  It will happen.

Truly it will.  And I will only be successful by helping others do the same.  Pretty cool.

I’m pretty good at this parenting thing, even if I don’t always get it right and feeling like I’m a bad mum means that I care enough to worry about that kind of thing.  I just need to remind myself that I am strong and I am good at this.  I have two wonderful children who love me, I must be on to a winner.

Other people are going to judge me and my actions and it is not about me, it is all about them.  So screw them and their opinions.  I’m not going to let them effect me.

Bad days happen, and they happen often when you’re alone.  Sometimes it feels like you’re swimming in a deep vat of molasses.  It’s okay to feel lonely, sad, angry, upset; it’s not okay to let those feelings consume you.  I have to keep moving.

I love being able to drive!  Why didn’t I do this earlier?

I’m pretty awesome, my kids are pretty cool, we’re going to do big things and get so many things done.  Watch this space.

Sunday catch up

The wet season is over, the dry season is here. This is by far my favourite time of year.

It’s cool of an evening and in the morning but lovely warm and sunny in the day. Slowly the grass will turn crispy under foot.

It’s perfect weather to grow tomatoes, I should get onto that.

This dry season as opposed to last I have two walking one talking toddlers. I am so much closer to getting my drivers license. And I’m much more confident in myself and my parenting. I’m no longer in survival mode, I’m thriving!

I have 29 hours of driving left to do. Only 29 hours! I can do that!

I get a little bit more sleep, though it is unpredictable and some nights he sleeps through and other nights he doesn’t.

And I’m happier. And I’m healthier.

We’ve made big decisions. No more babies. We now have permanent contraception in place. Well, hubby does, I suppose I could have a love child if he were to deploy overseas, but that would require a lot of effort and I’m very lazy lol

I got my very first assignment back 30/30! Take that previous commenters who called me uneducated and picked on my grammar!

So we’re going well. I’m feeling okay about this wonder week. But I’m just at the beginning, ask me how I feel next week

Wonder week – Programs

Well he’s cranky, he’s clingy, he’s waking up overnight a lot more, he’s waking early in the morning and staying awake, he’s catnapping again.

Welcome to the wonder week know as Programs or as I’m calling this “Not Again Does This Shit Ever End.”

I had no idea what wonder weeks were when I had my daughter, from 4 months onwards she was just such an easy going little thing. Teething didn’t bother her and she self-settled without a cry from very early on. She is just so much more independent then him.

But DS, he doesn’t like change, he doesn’t cope. And any change in his body really upsets him, and his sleep.

Today, I am exhausted. It was the one day I could have really done with a nap and my toddler decides she won’t have her usual 4 hour day sleep today, she wants to play dress ups instead. I fell asleep in her bed. I woke up to her pretending to fart in my face.

The kitchen is a mess. The living room has been taken over by a mountain of laundry that needs folding. I can feel a hormonal migraine coming on. And the boy wants to breastfeed All. Day. Long.

This too shall pass.

Wonder week survival kit

I’ve now been through a few and amchoking through one with my won right now.  Wonder weeks are testing for mothers and their babies, so how do you survive?  With this simple kit.

1. Coffee – sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.  If you don’t drink coffee then feel free to kid yourself with tea.
2. Chocolate – any kind will do.
3. Tissues -chances are, you’re going to cry.
4. Time to yourself – a wonder week is no time to be a martyr.  You need a break to relax and recharge.
5. Teething remedies – whatever they might be for your family, trying to ride out teething AND a wonder week will be painful for all involved.
6. Patience – by the bucketload.
7. Acceptance – your house will probably be a mess, let it go, perfect homes happen in magazines not real life.  Yes the dishes and laundry have to be done and certainly meals must be cooked, scrubbing the grout or washing the windows can wait, trust me.
8. Playdates – have someone over or get out of the house, it’simportant to still see people and touch base with other people.
9. Support – either online or in real life.  Find people you can vent to without judgement and who get it.
10. A photo of a moment when you felt intense love for your child – I look at newborn photos, it snaps me out of that cranky cycle.  Don’t pick photos of your baby sleeping, you’ll just get annoyed that they could do it then but can’t do it now .

This will pass, it really will.   You will get a full nights sleep again.  A wonder week is your child’s brain taking in new info so they can learn something new.  It will pass.  At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Cyclone Sequences – The Wonder Week Begins

Welcome to the wonder week. Sequences or as I like to call it, hell on earth. And we haven’t even hit the storm cloud yet.

As well as crying, clinging and crap sleep the app tells me that other signs and symptoms of this leap:
Your baby is angry when you put him down;
Plays with emotions, such as naughty or nice, to get your attention (does that ‘not knowingly!’)
Sits quietly, daydreaming;
Often sucks the thumb;
Cries more often, is cranky, grumpy or moody;
‘Chats’ less;
Is whining more often.

Awesome.

So last night we were up hourly from 2am. At one point I woke up in my bed only to not remember getting into bed or going to sleep.

I could feel myself tensing, I could feel myself getting angry. So I forced myself to think back to where I was this time last year. I was lying in a hospital bed often awake at around 1/2am as that’s when my daughter use to wake for a bottle, and I would feed her back to sleep. This time last year all I wanted was to be home, to feed her back to sleep and to have those quiet night time cuddles. Turns out I’ve got everything l want. And thinking that was humbling and made me relax, take a deep breath and continue.

And when he woke at 5am, DH got up and took him for a while and I slept. Then I got up and DH made breakfast while I watched a movie with the children. Then we ate. Then he cleaned up while DD and I did a craft project. I am so thankful for his help this morning. And for coffee.

Wonder weeks, we’re in this together, and as long as I relax then we will be fine.

Giving myself a good talking to

The sequences wonder week is coming at me fast. It feels like the last one just passed, like we’re F-I-N-A-L-L-Y giving me a decent sleep and playing independently for a decent amount of time each day. But soon he’ll be cranky, clingy and crying. Boo hiss!

We’re also in full on toilet training mode. Which is going ever so slowly.

So I’ve given myself a good talking to. Negative attitude be gone, think positive and positive things should happen. Wonder weeks are temporary and soon DD will be using the toilet like a pro.

I’ll probably chuck a tantrum of my own between now and the end of the wonder week, but no one is perfect. Though I’ll try my very best to remain calm.

Now, onto business. Please vote for me for the Top 25 Australian Mum’s Bloggers list. I would really appreciate it.

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The situation as it stands

Woke up this morning to storm clouds on the horizon outside and this on my iPhone -

It seems it goes teething wonder weeking teething wonder weeking and oh lucky me the big yucky storm cloud is my Christmas gift. Joy.

And right when MoPS finishes to, boy this boy has terrible timing.

This will be a short one today as my little angel is biting my shoulder while I attempt to blog, little charmer that he is. Are those new teeth that I feel or are the two he already had just particularly sharp today

But he truly is a delightful boy, he smiles with his whole face it’s very very cute. He looks so angelic when he sleeps. He loves his mummy. He truly is lovely.

Some days it pays to remind myself -

When babies stop sleeping

My baby was sleeping well and now isn’t, HELP!

Remain calm, do not panic. How old is your baby?

4 months.

Light bulb moment. 4 month old sleep regression.

Sleep regression? Wonder weeks? Growth spurts?

All babies go through periods of heightened growth and development. As their worlds change and their abilities increase, they also have big changes going on in their brain often leading to periods of crankiness, clinginess and crying.

Some people call it growth spurts, others wonder weeks and some have termed it sleep regression. What you call it does not matter.

It can seem like it goes on forever, especially if you have teething and illness on top of it. A friend of mine haw had 3 straight months of illness on top of wonder weeks, and I think of her often and how she’s doing it tough.

How do you know when one is coming?
I have the wonder weeks app, and when I notice my baby being particularly cranky I check the app, surprise surprise it’s a wonder week. You can also buy the book, The Wonder Weeks or go the wonder weeks website

How do we get survive a period of sleep regression?
The first thing you do is slow right down. Peaceful days encourage peaceful nights. It migh be inconvenient to rearrange your schedule but it could make all the difference.

Vent and accept support. Vent in a safe way, phone a friend, write in a blog or parenting forum, put your baby down somewhere safe like in a cot/bassinet/on the floor/in a bouncer and walk away for 5 minutes to calm down. Accept offers of help as they come your way.

Forget about the housework. It doesnt matter if the house is a wreck when you finally get baby down for a nap, you go for a nap.

Remember that your baby will be learning something new and when all this finishes they’ll have something new to show you.

It’s only temporary, they will get back to sleeping eventually and it will be like this never happened.

Am I creating a rod for my own back?
By gently parenting your baby through their period if heightened clinginess you are not creating a rod for your own back or spoiling your baby. Quite the opposite. You’re tending to your babies needs, facilitating the extra learning and maintaining the healthy attachment. There is no need to start a stricter routine or regime around sleep during a wonder week. More cuddles and closeness will make it easier on both of you.

But my baby doesn’t need feeding during the night anymore, should I offer water instead?
Babies needs, especially for feeding, isn’t cut and dry. My first would go without a night feed for a while and then want her bottle again for a few weeks, it would go in cycles. I wouldn’t deny a baby under 2 years of age a night feed, but that’s my personal feeling on it. I defiantly wouldn’t night wean before 1 year or limit access to the boob at all before 1 year, but again that is my personal feeling. I have found offering a feed straight away in the dark without talking let’s baby know it’s night time it’s bed time and you’re either feeding or sleeping. The few times I tried to settle without a milk feed when my daughter was around 14 months took so much longer, she got distressed and in the end she would wake earlier for a feed anyway. I also resettle after 45 minutes with a breastfeed as well. But again, each to their own.

We’ve been following Save Our Sleep and she doesn’t mention sleep regression or these wonder weeks, what should I do?
Even babies who have been sleep trained can start waking through the night during a growth spurt or wonder week, and then what? More crying, more distress, mothers feeling like failures because their baby is deviating from the ‘plan.’. On Becoming Babywise suggests that babies sleep through from 8 weeks with no night feeds, no mention of differing needs during mental leaps there.

The best thing is to forget any set routine or regime during this period of mental growth. They aren’t doing this to annoy you, your baby is genuinely having a difficult time with a huge increase of brain activity as they learn something new. They haven’t read the book and they don’t know that they aren’t ‘allowed’ to start waking again.

I have found with both my children when they woke in the night that gentle settling techniques helped my babies get back to sleep calmly and stopped them from revving themselves up too much. It also helped me get to sleep quicker, loud crying would startle me awake, gentle rocking makes me sleepy and relaxed, I fall asleep much better.

A heightened period of mental development isn’t the time to start something new either, there’s already so much going on that I wouldn’t expect much of it to be retained let alone work.

You need to do what works for you during this period without worrying about ruining the routine or not sticking to the plan.

When does it end?
Shortly after her first birthday my daughter stopped having these periods of fussiness now that I think about it. She still does have growth spurts but she just ends up eating everything and wakes up in the morning demanding nutella sandwiches and big glasses of milk. I find a majority of her frustration, tantrums and crankiness come down to two things – needing a nap or inability to communicate, and it no longer goes on for weeks at a time.